Funny Quotes that I have no Problem Admitting that

Funny Quotes that I have no Problem Admitting that's Funny

I was my neighbors imaginary friend~

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died ~

I was standing in the park wondering why the Frisbee got bigger as it got closer... then it hit me.

You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're ugly ~

Captain Obvious Strikes Again!!!

I didn't do it. You can't prove it. Nobody saw me. The sheep are LYING! ~

Last Night I was looking up at the stars wondering... where the hell is my ceiling

If I throw a stick, will you go away? ~

I'm not prejudice... I hate everyone equally

If you have to choose between two evils, choose the evil you haven't done before ~

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

One day I went to therapist's office of ten years, and what I heard was music to my ears. "Yo no hablo Inglés." ~

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you jump off a bridge, I laugh even harder

The trouble with morning is that it comes at such an ungodly hour ~

I called your boyfriend gay and he slapped me with his purse

Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself ~

Men are like slinkies. They bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

You're just jealous the voices only talk to me ~

I'm not random. I just have a lot of though- HEY LOOK! A SQUIRREL!

You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.

This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person

I'm sorry, you seem to have mistaken me for someone who cares.

I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening.
Loves a Sensation,
Caused by Temptation,
A Man sticks his location,
Into the girls destination,
To increase the population,
For the next generation,
Do you understand my explanation,
Or do you need a demonstration?

Hate me, they can.
Hurt me, they can't.
Be me, they want to.
Try me, I dare you.
Envy me, they should.
Fight me, I wish a b**** would